Archive for the ‘Mental Health’ Category

My dad is fabulous.  He had to have a sleep study to see if he has sleep apnea.  When it is just me he is wiggly and doesn’t want to have much to do with fussy stuff.  But for the technician he was great.

That is how it goes I guess.  When it is just me and him, he just wants to sit in his chair or take a nap, oh and EAT.  In the spring and summer we get in the car and go for a ride, but that is about it.  He helps a little with chores, I do have to push some.  He complains he can’t do anything, but I ask him to do stuff like help with dishes, or stuff like that and he doesn’t want to do it. I guess household chores aren’t glamorous enough for him.  LOL.  But say I need to move stuff around or lift stuff or get firewood, he tries to be all over it.  The problem, he loses his breath, he gets week in his legs and gets upset because he can’t do things like he used to.  I have tried to get him to help me by doing things slower, but he has 2 speeds, stop and go,go,go.

We had tried to have him do exercise, but if I am not pushing or telling him to do it, he doesn’t.  He will say “oh look I need this piece of equipment” and use it 3 times in 6 months.  I get upset because we can’t afford to buy stuff just for the sake of buying things.  My mom was like that when she was alive.  You get a lot of good stuff, but nothing to show but a warehouse full of empty dreams.  I don’t want to live my life that way.

My dad is just not motivated by anything unless it involves shopping or eating.  We do go to the thrift store to walk around, I make/take him to the senior center but sometimes it is a hard push out the door.  He stopped driving in May, after  his 3rd or 4th heart attack.  I know I am lucky he is still with me, it is just hard.  Sometimes I feel like his jailer, not his daughter.

I can try to understand his frustration, he worked hard all his life.  Retirement was supposed to be him and mom going traveling.  She passed in 2003,( it was a long hard illness) and it is me and him and I don’t want to travel and we don’t have any extra money to do that.  Some months it is a struggle just to pay the bills and get his medicine.  I explain but Pop is used to how it was when he worked, he made good money.  Another challenge is that he has some dementia, not Alzheimer, so I choose to explain till he understands, then he forgets and I explain again.

You have to understand my mom was the Matriarch and I inherited my dad.  I promised her I would keep things as they were and take care of him.  I did not know what I was getting myself into.  It didn’t help that we are night and day in personality.  After some counseling for both of us intermittently over the years we get along good now, it was hard at first, but we kept at it.  I couldn’t give up on him, and he didn’t give up on me.

It’s funny but my Pop is the best thing I have got in my life.